I’ve lived a long time all alone with my thoughts,
And expected that life would bring more of the same;
No one I found could draw ME out of hiding,
This truth was my bulwark, my safety… my shame.
This shell was the source of my pain.
Oh, sometimes I’d surface - I’m not made of stone,
I’d offer my essence to those who were there;
And they would take notice, and be very thoughtful,
It wasn’t as if my good friends didn’t care-
To say less of them wouldn’t be fair.
But there’s always been something that lacked in those moments,
An indefinite feeling I couldn’t tie down;
A nebulous thought or a zen-like emotion –
A noise you could see, or a light made of sound:
A ghost, binding me to the ground
No matter how violent my fight with this phantom,
It wouldn’t retreat, yet it wouldn’t attack -
It sat in the background and laughed at my efforts;
How could I win if it would not fight back?
Well it’s tough, is the obvious fact.
I’d almost resigned to a life without contact,
A miserable loneliness growing inside,
I stood in the doorway and looked at my future,
But a chance-met companion convinced me to bide -
And step back, with one glorious stride.
I told her a joke – with a twist, (which I liked)
That I was a god, one of knowledge and sight.
And I had no fears in disclosing this secret,
For no one would listen – Cassandra’s sad plight.
None would believe she was right.
A joke it was, only – But she laughed in wonder,
And something inside me responded with glee
Not to the joke, or the laugh, or the moment
But something about her was calling to me:
A sound I’d been waiting to see.
She was dating, (a friend) and lived far far away,
But I made sure to see her if she was nearby:
Not to meddle, or woo her, or cause any friction,
But to learn what had caused it, this noise in my eye,
So perhaps I could watch for its cry.
Through the years I watched closely, and saw in brief glimpses
How this wonderful girl danced with life unashamed
Her mind always seeking, her spirit unconquered
And I sought for the one who’d make me feel the same
Who could light for me love’s simple flame.
But the years passed uncaring, and the girl went through changes
A Lady now, carefree and wild, and uncaught
And all of my logic, and science, and feeling,
Have failed to define it, this nebulous thought;
This thing that Cassandra had brought.
Through the years as I’ve watched her, the feeling has strengthened;
It’s a part of my life now - the Lady is too,
And for all my lone searching, I have yet to find it –
Perhaps there is something more I should do?
Perhaps I should seek it… With you?
Moving House
2 years ago
